So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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