We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
