med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
