I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
