; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
