Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
