And the cops told us we were all naked.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
