Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
either way he was missing a nipple.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Randomize