he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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