So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
