hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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