They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
