I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
