I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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