maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
