don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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