You're my little dorito
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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