i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
