If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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