dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize