JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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