that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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