oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
