so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
