I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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