did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
