Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
