when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
