So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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