No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So here I am, sexting at work.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
