as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
