Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
