my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
