the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
