so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
