a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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