The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
