put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize