He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
