god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize