hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Randomize
