How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
