While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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