didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
