I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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