Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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