I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
