You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I will pee on everything he values.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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