Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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