So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize