3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
