He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
