Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
