I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
