May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
