you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
