I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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