She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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