He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
