Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
third nipple confirmed
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
