It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
