It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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