You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
