i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
