so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
