Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
