I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
