I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
