it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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