Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
