she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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