It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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