My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
